Contentment: The Gap Between Our Expectations and Our Reality

I ran across a video recently that included Gary Smalley – the well-known author of marriage-related books including, 4 Days to a Forever Marriage.  He was discussing contentment and he talked about a time a few years previously when he was struggling and dissatisfied with life and he came across a simple equation for happiness.  Happiness, he said, is the gap between our expectations in life  and our reality.  When the gap is large in important personal areas of life (for our career, our financial status, our family – you name it), we tend to be unhappy.

If you reflect on the concept – there’s only two ways to close the gap: you can substantially improve your current reality (not always easy to do) or you can let go of some expectations.  In Smalley’s case, he became determined to give up his unrealistic expectations to God (who owns the outcomes anyway).

Such a simple concept can be stunningly powerful and it made me recall a short fable that I included in my book, A Better Way to Make a Living…and a Life a few years ago.  I’ve tried to find the author but to no avail – see if this strikes you as it did me:

An American businessman struck up a conversation with a fisherman in a small coastal Mexican village. Noticing his fairly small catch, the American asked why he didn’t stay out longer and try for a bigger catch. The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs.

 “What do you do with the rest of your time?” the American asked.

 “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take a siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, señor.”

 “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you,” said the scoffing American, who proceeded to advise him to buy a bigger boat and eventually a whole fleet, followed by a cannery, and then have enough money to move to a big city to run his expanding business empire.

 “What then, señor?”

The American told him he’d be a millionaire.

“Then what, señor?”

 “Then you would retire and move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take a siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”

The irony: we spend so much time chasing “the dream” only to find, often too late in our lives, that what we really treasure is often what we already have.  That’s what contentment means to me, in practical terms – loving what you have instead of wanting what don’t have.

Paul wrote about this concept in Phil 4:11-13 when he said, …for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

What about you?  Do you have a happiness “gap”?  Have you considered letting go of some of your expectations in order to love what you have instead of wanting something more?

I pray that today is the start of your journey to contentment  – instead of an aspiration to achieve.